For Mothers Who Suffer—You're Not Alone

What led me to ARCS was a life of ridicule that started as a child. 

I grew up in a military household. My two uncles two aunts and my mother. Everybody had left and gone to the military. 

My mom is the youngest and left at home with me and my grandmother and abusive grandfather. I remember being awakened by screams from my grandmother as he kicked her like a football across the living room. 

Her petite body went flying. My grandmother stood 4’2 115lbs and my grandfather 6’2 250lbs. My brother and I were taking a nap. I was twelve and my brother was about three. I recall crawling into my grandmother’s bedroom and sneaking on the phone and calling my mother. 

She rushes over as my grandfather is waving his shotgun around. He had been drinking. 

This was the first time I had seen my grandfather in action. I heard about it but I had never witnessed it for myself. My grandmother had served him with divorce papers and it sent him into a full-blown rage. 

I remember always being sad and in all my pictures I was crying. 

My mother had broken up with my drug-addicted father and she never forgave him. She was the only one at home, and had to get a job while her siblings were away in the service. 

My grandmother is very classy, well dressed and loved by everyone. She retired twice from two different hospitals. My grandfather had retired from his job of thirty-five years, so money was not an issue. I never had to endure cut-off utilities or ever going hungry. 

But my mother had also retired from two different places, and I was always treated as though I would never measure up. I was always belittled. Nothing I did was ever good enough, and I could not understand why everybody seemed to be angry with me. I am only a child, so how much could "little me" do to grown adults? 

I thought that it was normal for my grandfather to be home one day, then be gone for months at a time, then just pop up and return home. Each time returning, he was more and more abusive. I also remember my drug-addicted uncles coming home from leave and there being huge blowout arguments. 

I was a child I did not understand what was going on. 

I still remember wondering where my uncles were and why had they had been gone so long. I didn't know they had been banished from home for making mistakes. "Don't come back until you can get your s**t together!” was a phrase I faithfully used, until I finally realized where I got it from.

As an adult, I grew to make poor choices.

I brought my children up in a toxic environment, with no support. I was constantly being judged by my family.

I was a three-time homeless, prescription, pill-popping addict. I was in a relationship with my children’s alcoholic father for thirteen years, being emotionally abused in front of my children every day, until I got a clue. 

I ended up in rehab. I suffered from low self-esteem, poor health and obesity. My last stay at a shelter was in 2013, when I ended my last toxic relationship and was on my way to recovery.

Living on people’s couches and being mistreated by people got old and I decided to change my life, for my children. I got a place and a job, after years of being unemployed. My life finally started to turn around. 

At this time, I had been sober for five years. Returning to work was amazing for me, after being sick for so long. But was still a single parent in recovery. 

Your children do not heal as quickly as you do. 

You think because you change your environment, all the thoughts of the old life will disappear. But your children grow up to have a mind of their own. 

As adults, my children suffer from the same traumatic events, low self-esteem, and poor choices that I faced. It is very difficult to try to re-raise grown adults, who have already been raised in a toxic and dysfunctional environment. 

My adult son vowed to never suffer again, and to make sure nobody will ever hurt his mother and sister again. But they are all still looking for love, while accepting abuse, staying in toxic relationships and trusting in the wrong people. 

My life had finally changed but I saw my boys traveling down the wrong path. 

I have been in the ARCS program for about 3 years now, suffering from having a hard time keeping my children alive. It is very hard for a disabled single woman to keep grown men in line especially when they tell you that they are grown. 

I lost my youngest son six months ago, 25 days before his 21st birthday.

He was brutally murdered. How can I inspire anybody when I cannot even save my children?

Your program has taught me boundaries with my children. 

I have learned so much. I have learned that my childhood had everything to do with the trials that I have faced in my life. 

I want to share my story with the world.

Our children do not deserve to suffer because of the poor choices that we made. I hope to use what I have learned to help support other young women, so their children have a chance to live a long, thriving, life free from suffering or from toxic and dysfunctional events. 

It starts with the mothers, and I want to create programs that offer support within the community, so that no mother or child will continue to suffer. 

Being a coach, I will be able to help women by offering the support that I learned from my journey at ARCS.